Why do women struggle with confidence so much? 

For centuries, female energy was suppressed, and obviously, there are a lot of limiting ideas we pick up about a woman's role in the world. It all makes sense, but the question is: what can we do today, in our everyday life to transform our relationship with confidence, to befriend it, not chase it all the time? 

The funny part, the more we try to be confident, the less confident we feel. Although there are tons of effective techniques on building confidence, many of them don't work for sensitive women. 

Sensitive women of the world... We can't stand being pushed. We don't like to jump and scream the same words as it doesn't change anything for us. We feel things very very deeply. We can't switch it off. We don't always understand why people behave in a particular way and we question if it's about us. We care about others' happiness. We rarely put our own interests first. 

So let's clap and step out of the comfort zone on 1-2-3 doesn't really work for us. 

To change our relationship with confidence we need to look at deep, fundamental beliefs that lower women's self-esteem in the first place. 

3 ideas that kill your self-worth: 

1. Disease to please or "have to" syndrome

Do you ever feel like you can't relax (until you're completely exhausted) and there is always another thing to do? Do you ever feel like you always have to be there for everyone? 

"Have to" is a weight we carry since a very young age without realizing it. We all have responsibilities, but it seems most women somehow skipped the part when we chose them. We don't rule our obligations, but automatically reply to what world told us we had to do without even considering: is it a choice I make?  

We get so caught up in have-to(s) we lose the sense of who we are. How many women like this do you know? Are you one of them? Are you on your way to becoming one? 

Notice when you feel like you have to do something, how many times a day do you feel this way? 

It's time to stop and reflect. Ask yourself: What have-to(s) in your life can you let go? The world won't collapse, I tried. Let yourself be. Relax. You deserve it. 

2. Perfection 

Let's imagined the life of a modern woman. 

She is a favorite employee or business owner, staying long hours and running all things for a perfect home after. She is here and there in seconds, she always looks good, smells lovely and smiles no matter whaaaat.

She needs to be perfect, this is the pressure the world put on her shoulders, and she took it. 

Work hard, be a great mother, even better wife, caring daughter, helping friend. Feel tired? Maybe it's time to clean the house! Don't let it get into you.

Ahh. I am sweating when I am writing this.  When I  am exhausted, I will definitely clean something. I am not allowed to be tired; I need to beat it to the punch, I need to prove to myself I can do something else, because tiredness is weakness and I can't be weak. I was born to be perfect.  So does my house. 

Perfection is the image of a woman most of us were programmed with. 

I have amazing women friends from various kind of places and backgrounds. No matter if their families are from Europe, Africa, Asia or anywhere else, public school or private, self-made, graduated from Harvard, babysitting or traveling, making $10.000 or 300, "a-woman-has-to-have-it-all-together" comes in different forms in all of them myself included.

I am not saying it is bad to be amazing in everything (as women are!). What I am saying is many women exhaust themselves, because they can't stop, reflect, give themselves time. They try to be it all because they have to, NOT because they want to. 

If it sounds familiar, welcome to the club.

When we thrive for perfection that is impossible to achieve, it affects our confidence. We feel useless, not good enough like our efforts don't really matter.

We can't focus on real results, all we can see is perfection we can't achieve. 

3. Control 

First, control and responsibility are different things. So if you were thinking right now: "I am nooot this kind of woman who doesn't control anything and doesn't have a voice!", it's not what I am talking about.

I mean control that destroys you, pressure you, makes you feel small and insignificant. Control that comes from fear, that makes you wake up at night, run without a stop, lose yourself. 

Who are you in your core? What values do you choose? Are you a controlling "everything- needs-to-be-like-I-want", "I-know-better" kind of person? No. You are the light. Trust. The universe cares of you. Trust what you know deep in your heart. 

What reality do you choose? One of your disturbing thoughts or one in your heart? 

Look at the world if you are going to die tomorrow. Look at the people the same way. Will you cling to all the pain if it was the last day of your life?  Will you control? Like, for real? I don’t think so. 

You will trust, and breathe and believe. Dive into the world, into what your heart knows to be true: love, compassion, joy, healing. You know it is in you. Go for it; you deserve it.