There is a thin line between the desire to be approved and support we all need. There is no shame in asking for support, being supportive and making a world a better place with your heart.
Often we close our hearts from giving and getting support because It feels we don't have the support we need, we get hurt. But often we feel pain as we don't get the approval. We all have a strong need for love and belonging, it is biologically wired in us. We grow up and learn it isn't easy to get. But if you try to be like him or her, then people like you, then you can be loved. We learn to seek approval, instead of building connection and intimacy.
Intimacy is hard. Yo have to show up and be vulnerable, you have to be open about your imperfections and wounds, but don't ask anyone to heal them. What are more powerful words in the world than "I see you. I hear you. I see your pain. I don't blame you for it. I don't run away from you because of it. I am not pushing you away, as your pain provokes mine. I am here for you. " It's healing. It's strong. If we stop running away from each other's imperfections (and our own), we can heal the world, as true love makes you move mountains. But to be able to do that we need to stop seeking approval. When we look for approval, we take everything personally, we react to our pain points. If we seek approval, the moment we don't hear what we want, we experience enormous pain. It feeds a great fear almost all of us have: "I am not enough. I am not worth his/her love."
Vulnerability requires strength. When I share something with you, when I come from the place of a whole heart, I hope for the support, compassion, understanding. But no matter how you choose to react, it can upset me, confuse me, but it doesn't make me doubt my wholeness. It can shake me, but it doesn't shake my core. It can hurt, but I won't be the one who hurts. Vulnerability requires strength. And it often starts with finding the wholeness inside: self-love, safety, approval.
There are many articles on self-love on Womangic. But approval is a different angle, that is very important as it tricks us into believing we lack support and guidance, that the world doesn't get us. Do you approve of the way you're at your core? Does one part of you fight against the other? Do you protect lack of self-approval with ignorance, with addictions, avoidance, "strength" of not caring?
We can give ourselves the approval we need. There is an unlimited source of love and compassion in every woman. We can connect to the Universal power of love at any moment, clear our energy, fill ourselves up.
If we approve of oneself, we don't need the approval of other people. We can support and allow ourselves to be supported. When we approve and love ourselves, we build true connections; we create more love and support in the world.
Simple steps you can take to find the approval inside.
We seek approval when we assume others' behavior is about us. What happens when we feel we provoked someone to behave in a particular way? We feel shame; we think something is wrong with us.
As soon as it happens, we sense a hole inside. We need to fill it with something, we look for approval from others.
When you notice you take things personally, remember it's not about you.
Why we take things personally and how to stop
When you feel like you doubt or criticize yourself, take a deep breath first. Before rushing to ask someone about your doubts, take a deep breath. Imagine, that the highest part of you gives you the love you need. She opens your heart and fills it with love and belief. She says: "You're worthy. You deserve best. You are safe". You are safe. When you give yourself reassurance before jumping into a conversation or social media, you reprogram your brain, form a pattern: "I can support myself. I can take care of myself. I can approve of myself".
When you feel calmer, ask for the support you need, there is no shame in it. But make sure you give yourself the approval and some love first.
The more you focus on your inner core, on your energy, on your fullness, the less approval you need from others.
But centering your energy is a constant practice. It needs consistent repetition and attention.
Put hand your heart more often, Fill yourself with love and appreciation every moment you feel tired. Take breaths.
There is a great spiritual visualization practice to detach from the situation. Visualization is proved to be very effective in reprogramming our brain. If you feel like you want someone to fill the emptiness inside, detach.
Ask your guides, your Soul, Higher Self to cut the cord with a person you think about or anyone who is connected to you. Imagine the light cutting the cords around you and clearing your energy. Take a deep breath.
Imagine blue, white light cutting any draining connection. Fill the light coming through you, imagine how it widens your energy field.
Use this guided meditation to feel more balanced and calm.
Often when we associate the love we experience with someone we direct it to. But as much as you might love your close ones, your love belongs to you. How much you love, appreciate or give is about you, not about your man or your friends.
Your love belongs to you. When we love strongly, it's hard to imagine, but it is true. Your partner or loved ones help you to open your heart, to find love and strength inside and it's a lot to be grateful for. But the love belongs to you and to you only. And no one can take it away from you.
It's a significant mindset shift in a question of approval, simply because often we long for approval when we lack love from someone. We don't feel enough love or support, so we question ourselves, wondering in our minds if we're the reason, if we're good enough.
Remember, your love belongs to you. If someone can't show or give you love or support, it's not about you. The amount of love and support one can give is about him or her.
It's about you how much love you can feel. Your love belongs to you.
Truly hope you it was helpful,
Do you have any special practices to approve of yourself...? It would be great to know, share with us in comments!
With Love,
Kate