Have you met the kind of couples that radiate lightness and sparkle between them? They don't do anything special, but just radiate the easiness and joy? If yes, you probably were wondering what is so special about these people? Are they really found each other or did they have some kind of a secret...?
I was looking for the answer for a while so if you're interested to figure it out the next ideas might be useful for you.
The principle of lightness in a relationship is simple. You know this feeling when you just falling in love with the person... isn't it wonderful? Why can't it last long? The thing is when we fall in love the impulse of energy we experience makes us look through our blocks and some negative assumptions we have about the world. We see the best in a person partly because of the chemicals, of course, but partly because we can push through our usual insecurities and insecurities of the other person to see what I call "the level of Soul". Potential behind all dust of worries and past painful experiences.
I believe this ability to see through our insecurities is one of the important aspects of a happy fulfilling relationship. Of course, we are not talking about extremes here, I am sure at least once in your life you wanted to throw up when your girlfriend couldn't stop talking about his freaking potential... while he has been a total and complete a***le. We've all been there. So let's say no more.
To keep this special feeling doesn't mean to live in an illusion of a crush. It's more about accepting negative qualities of your partner (we all have them), admitting she/he has them, but still experiencing this lightness, joy, and belief in the other person. Of course, in case your partner is willing to grow and prove your trust with actions.
Here we're talking about two grown-ups who not just have a potential, but develop it, open up and work on their growth as personalities and as a couple.
So what does prevent us from seeing the potential and being amazed by our partner as we were for the first couple of month? The dust I mentioned above is mental, emotional and energy Blocks. We gain them in our families or society and even from past lives. Today I want to go through some common blocks that might prevent you from a joy, pleasure, and light in your relationship.
5 Energy Blocks that Make You Feel Stuck in a Relationship:
1. YOU DON'T REALLY FEEL SAFE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Energy Block: Root Chakra
Mental Block: You can never trust a man completely.
I see women who have this one all the time! The thing is for a long time, women's survival was directly connected with men. So when women were left alone, they were scared. This block, fear to be without a man often is very deep as it was passed from generation to generation for centuries! What fear usually does is directs all its potential to the parties involved. It is hard to trust someone if you are desperately scared to lose this person and subconsciously perceive your LIFE (not just feelings) being dependent on him.
Inner work is deep and challenging. So in this article, I want to go really far together. So far you can see images of your ancestors that were struggling with survival. This is where our brain was forming its ideas and reactions. This is where we learned to always look for negative as a matter of survival. When a woman lost a man, she experienced a lot of fear. So our brain just recorded this logical association: men = fear, resentment, pain, lack of safety.
It was proven that our brain remembers negative events 3 times better than positive! That's why this logical chain could be so powerful.
“Unfortunately, our brains are wired to naturally seek and find negatives. We, as human beings, are already good at that. This is because in order to survive on the savanna our primitive brains had to respond to threats faster than to emotions like happiness or gratitude. That’s why retraining our brains to find the positive descriptors is usually where the real work begins.” "Before Happiness" Shawn Achor
For Now, you can repeat to yourself anytime you don't feel safe or protected enough: The Universe always takes care of me. With him or without him I am safe, I am protected. The Universe loves me.
2. YOU CAN'T LET GO, FULLY RELAX AND ENJOY SEX. IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO OPEN UP EMOTIONALLY AND JUST BE FULLY YOURSELF WITH A MAN
Energy Block: Sacral Chakra
Mental Block: All men need is sex
You can be happy enough in a wonderful loving relationship and still have this one.
The thing is there are so many ways for a woman to connect emotionally. We talk, we hug, we kiss each other and share our problems. While for a man it's a completely different story. It is very hard for them to connect on a deep emotional level. They are just different. It is a known fact that for women friendship is taking with each other and sharing feelings, while for men it is doing something together. This is a key difference. Men are wired to an outer world, which is action. While women are all about inner being, feelings, and emotions. Both are great and very important in life, but hard in understanding one another.
Men don't talk, they have a completely different psychology. That's why one of the main ways for them to feel a deep emotional connection is sex.
If you ever met men who seemed to want just sex from you, forgive them as they just didn't know themselves and were struggling with their own emotions. It's not an excuse for them and you don't in any way need to be with a man like this. Yes, you need to claim your power, say to yourself and believe that you deserve better! But if you still hold resentment re this, I suggest you take a deep breath and let it go right now.
3. YOU FEEL LIKE MEN ALWAYS GET MORE OPPORTUNITIES IN LIFE
Energy Block: Solar Plexus, Throat, Heart Chakra
Mental Block: Men are intimidated by strong women
It really doesn't matter if they are or not. Simply because you attract the energy similar to yours. So If you truly believe that it is really easier for a man and you need to be stronger than men, you naturally create competition. You just radiate this energy. The key here is that you don't think you need to develop your talents, open your unique gifts and be the best version of yourself. You think that you need to be BETTER than someone else (in this case men in general)
Do you feel the difference between this two approaches? Don't be surprised that your man is trying to compete or suppress you in this case (again this is not an excuse for him) if you deeply believe that you need to prove him (and all the men) something.
Maybe your dad provoke you when you were a kid, maybe he wasn't sensitive enough to your feeling or god forbid made fun of them. Or you felt lots of resentment about your dependent mom who couldn't stand up for herself or played a victim. It's painful I understand.
But you can let it go and be incredibly successful because of your talents not because you're better than men. Ask yourself what are you trying to prove and to whom? What pain you can't let go right now?
You're completely unique and very special! You have one-of-a-kind gifts and talents that only you can bring to the world. And you are reading this right now for a reason.
You don't need to compete with anyone to be fulfilled and successful.
4. YOU DON'T FEEL APPRECIATED ENOUGH IN A RELATIONSHIP. YOU DON'T FEEL THAT YOUR MAN FULLY UNDERSTANDS YOU
Energy Block: Heart Chakra, Crown Chakra
Mental Block: I am doing everything for him and he seems not to notice!
Women are wired to give. I love this phrase because it just explains so many of our troubles! Sometimes we just exhaust ourselves trying to make everyone around us happy.
We believe that we need to do everything, but we don't. What is more, the worst thing we can do to a man is to perceive him as a child. It takes away his power.
A woman tries to please others, especially a man she loves when she lacks energy in heart chakra or if she uses this wonderful energy wrong. Women usually have a lot of energy of love. What we forgot is that we are the source of it. Not a man you love, not even your children. Just you. You are the power of love and you were born to fill the world with it.
But you can't do it until you love YOURSELF FIRST.
“I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” Maya Angelou
5. YOU DON'T FEEL ENOUGH SUPPORT FROM YOUR MAN
Energy Block: Solar Plexus, Heart, Crown
Mental Block: I have to do everything myself! How can I rely on him..?
It means you don't understand and accept your OWN power as a woman.
The truth is if the man really doesn't support you and you know your power you simply won't be with this man. Because you respect yourself. As easy as that.
But if he tries really hard but you still don't see it you blocked your own strength. You need to release it first to figure out if the person is right for you.
If you deny your power you feel the world on your shoulders. You can feel like you need to fight for what you want, not just work hard, but fight. It probably means you lost your connection with the Universe. Because we are as women have a unique gift. We are deeply connected with nature and with the Universe. We are providers of the Universal energy of divine. Unfortunately, it's hard to feel if your crown chakra is blocked. Then you don't feel any connection or support that Universe provides you all the time. You can't relax and probably experience pressure all the time. It is hard to realize if your man is really supporting you or not, if you are constantly stressed and if you're separated from your own power.
When your crown chakra is open you accept this energy, you know you're deeply connected with the Universe and know it always supports you and takes care of you. If your heart chakra is balanced this energy goes through your body without being blocked and you can not just know, but feel loved and supported always. If Solar Plexus is balanced you can use this energy to act and make things happen from the place of love and understanding of your true purpose.
What I really want for you is to remember what a great power you have and reconnect with it,
You deserve it,
With Love,
Kate
More Guided Meditations
I am Worth. Meditation in words that will help you to love yourself much more