Let’s see what might be possible steps to overcome the discomfort of not being liked.
This is a BIG problem for many women, many of our actions are provoked by a desire to be good.
Be a good girl. Everyone used to say. And we probably keep saying to our daughters and sisters.
Sometimes I think I wish I can be less sensitive, I wish I can care less about how others feel. And especially how they feel about me. It is close to a need to be liked, but I believe as sensitive people we feel that there is a slightly different aspect of it. I care. And I will, I can't switch it off. I genially care how people feel. I am aware that this is none of my business, I am not trying to make anyone happy. But if I am the course for someone to feel bad I care. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, who is right or wrong, I care. And this is where it might go nuts.
Especially if the same way you care about others’ feelings, you care about a better world and a profound, quality work.
If you see that someone in your team does a very pure work for quite a while and doesn’t care about it at all, what would you do?
The obvious answer will be to talk with a person. See what is going on with him/her.
I wish it will be so easy for women. Here are two scenarios of how it usually goes.
First, we will wait as long as possible. We will have a battle in our own head and come up with thousands of different excuses. He/she probably hasn’t felt well that day. The other 5 times the same happened… well, I heard this person had some complications in relationships… his dog got ill and in any case, his mother was too strict with him when he was a kid!
Second, after the x amount of time the same incompetence happens, clients keep telling you their concerns or you spend your time doing someone’s job… you lose your cool. Say what you think to the person, share your concerns. It might work somehow, at least you finally brought it up. But the problem is… you feel terribly guilty for days after, question if this was a right decision at all.
Here where all the fears of NOT being a good girl come along.
You welcome them in emptiness, the darkness of self-doubt and a slight concern that NO ONE WILL EVER LIKE YOU AGAIN.
Well…. not the most exciting way to spend your free time, isn’t it?
My question: Is there a middle somewhere between these two patterns? And what can we do to express strong reasonable opinions without feeling guilty and without a need to block the compassion of our beautiful hearts?
Here are several practical steps that are proved to be really helpful when You need to overcome fear not to be liked and stay positive and grounded:
If you’re on this kind of page with me, I trust you completely. I am sure you know and if don’t know then feel, people around sense and react to your energy. Often people react not to what we say or do, but to the intention that was behind these words or actions.
What is intention? It is the why behind, the deep course of what we do or say.
In situations where you’re scared to be disliked, you can overcome fear by stepping in the situation with the right intention.
Well, if your intention is to prove that you’re right then people will feel it and react with defense or aggression.
But if you step in a conversation with a genuine intention to improve a situation for everyone, even if a feedback might be not easy for the other person and reaction is unpredictable, he/she will feel that you come from a place of heart eventually. And what is more important you’re clear about the energy you bring to the situation.
So when you come back to guilt or discomfort, you just remind yourself that being truly helpful and mindful is more important than being liked. And this is where you come from. This is what your heart desires.
Being truly helpful and mindful is more important than being liked.
It extends the intention part. As simple as it is when you act with love and remind yourself that you did, you can stop your guilt before you jump on the train of it.
Whenever we feel bad or anxious about something, it's good to refocus our attention on an inner state. Everything comes from the inside. It's hard to imagine when we experience something really hard, but as soon as we make peace inside, no matter how hard the situation is we'll feel better.
The question is how to focus on the inner state?
Here are the simple ideas that can help:
- Deep breathing
- Heart breathing (take several breathes through your heart)
- Refocus your attention on your heart and "see" how energy goes through you
When we experience the hard feeling, doubts or especially guilt, our energy field blows off. Like a balloon.
To prevent slipping away to negativity, step out from the situation for a moment. Use your willpower to take yourself away, to jump from a serf of riding on the same anxious thoughts over and over again.
That's why in my opinion (and I proved it in practice many times) you need to start with your energy and widen your energy field.
When you have the uncomfortable feeling that someone whispers: "She's such a BItch..." when they see You, what really helps is a clear understanding of what You stand for. When You know that your decision to express your opinion and risk "being a bitch" in someone's eyes is based on a strong foundation of clarity and a sincere will to change a situation for better You have no place for doubts inside.
Be clear about your values. What do you stand for? What changes do you want to make? What is your global vision?
Ask Yourself: do these particular actions (even if it is a critical feedback) bring you closer to the better future you want to see for yourself and others?
Check with yourself.
Intuition is a deal breaker in understanding your values. To start with developing Your intuition => Intuitive Planning
Hope it was helpful!
Love and Light,
Kate