I’m walking my dog to the park next to our gorgeous red brick house, the sign says Grosvenor square, Mayfair. One of the most beautiful and expensive city areas in the world surrounded by magnificent buildings, Hyde Park, best restaurants and fresh flowers.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m imagining it all. My beautiful lavish life, endless walks and coffees, dinners and gorgeous staycations, freedom I have.
Sometimes I feel like I’m still that little girl hiding from dysfunction of my family under the desk in the tiny rundown flat in Belarus. Trying to will something better into existence. With all my power, with all the strength of my little heart.
I had nothing. Everything I've created is due to healing.
Still, sometimes I feel I’m still there and all of this… is just the power of my imagination. As if everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve achieved doesn’t matter. I’m still that little girl.
I step on the greenest grass you see only in the UK (thank you endless rain) and blink furiously. Tracking my thoughts to the moment when I lost “the here and now” and jumped into the pool of the past.
On a quick call with my mom I’ve heard my dad raising his voice on the background. My breath shook, body went into immediate trauma response.
What’s shocking is not the occurrence of such feelings. Moments like this is normal and productive on a healing journey.
I couldn’t separate “trauma response”. It was just… response. To everything and anything.
I believed those painful emotions and destructive sensitivity was who I were.
It dragged me under but what was the solution? I didn’t know. I constantly doubted my worth because of those feelings.
I didn’t recognise any of those responses. They felt like me.
That’s why what happened to me felt so… adamant. Set in stone. Unmovable.
I used to throw my phone into the wall when I read things like “what matters isn’t what happened but your reaction”. Nonsense I thought.
We can’t change the past, right? Turns out we can.
Turns out the only real connection to our past is our REACTIONS to those triggers and repeated traumatic responses.
Transforming that ☝️, changes your life. Emotionally you move to a different timeline.
You choose your best qualities, recognise your shadows and embrace all of you. How empowering is that. How freeing.
And I can’t wait for you to experience that. Together with an incredible group of humans.
Here on Art Of The Mind.
And I’m here to help.
Start healing your worth with me.
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I'm launching a new program on healing your worth. Uncompromising worthiness healing space. That's a next-level offer. It took me years to create this. My whole life really. All of it and more will be packed inside this incredible community space.
Space for you to heal, grow, connect on a deeper level.
Find your inner magic, achieve more.
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All my love,